its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize