yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize