Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
