I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
