i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
