Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
