Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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