I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
