in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
