Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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