No awkward lesbian experiences without me
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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