May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
