I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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