when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
