Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
