Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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