If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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