I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
