You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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