i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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