How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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