I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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