Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
