I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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