I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
