My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
