well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
