I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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