i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
