She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I can't trust your balls anymore.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
