Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
