I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
