The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
