You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
