Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
me + whiskey = a bad person
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
