Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
