did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
