All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
