There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
