stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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