we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize