well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
