Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
