I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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