my mouth tastes like poor choices
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
