this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you had me at cake vodka
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
