This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't think brook has ever known best
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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