dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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