Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
