I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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