i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
