I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
