girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
