okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
