Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
