:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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