my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
