I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
so much tequila, so little girl.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
