yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
