How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize