Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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