There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
