You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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