You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
