Christians are straight up FREAKS
well most of my day revolves around power hour
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
