I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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