A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
