so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize