I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's just like the Real World with babies
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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