I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
