i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
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