I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
