I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
