Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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