3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
