We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
