We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
