I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize