don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
