He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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