That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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