sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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