i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
