I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well I just put wine in my tea
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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