You're completely useless in the revolution.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
