i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
