If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
