We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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