Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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