Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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