uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize