i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
