if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
