he thought i was a dude.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
