i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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