so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
