he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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