I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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