my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
